The cost of divorce and out-of-wedlock births to taxpayers nationally exceeds $112 billion a year, including the cost of federal, state and local government programs and forgone tax revenues, according to "The Taxpayer Costs of Divorce and Unwed Childbearing: First-ever Estimates for the Nation and All 50 States," a report by a coalition of organizations that includes the Institute for American Values, the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy, the Georgia Family Council and Families Northwest.
The group said children are particularly impacted by marriage failure, with "potential risks" that include poverty, mental illness, physical illness, infant mortality, lower educational attainment, juvenile delinquency, behavior problems, criminal activity as adults and early unwed parenthood. Reese notes that research shows children who live with both biological parents do better socially than peers in other family structures.
"The idea that family fragmentation contributes to child poverty has been studied extensively and is widely accepted," the coalition said, noting that marriage "can help to reduce poverty" because there are two potential wage earners in a home, economies of scale and "possibly also because of changes in habits, values and mores that occur" when people marry.
The report says while most of the debate over marriage focuses on it as a social, moral or religious institution, marriage is "also an economic institution, a powerful creator of human and social capital. Increases in divorce and unwed childbearing have broad economic implications...."
The link between marriage disintegration and the need for public assistance social programs is so strong, in fact, that Utah placed its marriage initiative within the department that administers the programs, Workforce Services. And the state offers tools to bolster marriage, from a Utah Marriage Handbook covering topics from sharing the expectations you have for your partner to creating a healthy stepfamily, to a relations/couple care course put together by Brigham Young University and offered online to state residents. That includes a premarital inventory. It's not a compatibility test, notes Liz Hale, clinical psychologist and chair of the Utah Commission on Marriage, but "it brings out how the other person thinks and offers an opportunity to have an important conversation."
The class includes an opportunity to interact with a facilitator by phone or email, as well.
The top five reasons people divorce are not a mystery, said Reese: lack of commitment, conflict/arguments, infidelity, marrying too young and finances. Often, these factors intertwine, as when financial strain leads to arguments.
The initiative is now in 19 of Utah's 29 counties, where local coordinators run their own activities to meet community needs, which are not the same from place to place. In Weber/Morgan, for instance, there's a popular class offered in some high schools on how to avoid falling for a partner who is a jerk. A Beaver County coordinator gives out activity cards that list things married couples can do together (no kids invited). Complete 10 and you get a pair of movie passes and a book. Washington County hosts a weekly relationship class that keeps gaining in popularity.
"We were more an advisory group. Now we are more of an action group," Reese said of the marriage initiative.
The purpose of all the efforts is to "help form and sustain lasting and loving marriages," Hale said. The key is to "choose wisely and treat kindly."
Divorce rates are actually falling, but so are marriage rates and Hale said that's cause for concern. It behooves people to realize up-front how important marriage is and how to care for and nurture it. Instead, though, often adults only get educated about their relationship after it has fallen apart. That takes the form of a mandated divorce education class. And for those who remarry without figuring out how to care for their relationship, the divorce rate is even higher, she said.
"Hope" is the message, according to Hale. "There are things we can do to strengthen relationships. It's all about skills. And all of us can benefit from that, across the board."
If you're married, "or hope you might get married some day, we can help you out," said Reese.
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